Back then, and Vitamins

Yesterday I went to the doctor, cause since Sunday, I had this stomach pain and no matter what I ate, couple minutes past, I threw the entire thing up, until I could smell that throat scratching stain from the stomach acid. When I was at the doctor I had to tell her everything about my stomach problem. Also I finally told her whats up with me having sleeping problems for a while now, and my concentration is down the hole. Okey the last part was just made up. I just told her this, hoping she would subscribe me, the Methylphenidat ( a higher dose of Ritalin) medication again. That way I would stop having hunger attacks right in the middle of the day. I remember falling into this thing called, Anorexia cause of that medication. And the best part is, I didn’t even lost weight on purpose. I remember my teacher once asking me to have a talk with him, and he was asking me how I was doing, cause he was worried about me, I’d didn’t make a lot of friends, and it looked like I lost a lot of weight and thats basically the best part I remember from this whole 15 minute wanna-be encourage-able talk. So then suddenly I  noticed, everybody, my Mom (who barely had time for me at that tine) my at-that-time Best friend,  and basically all others, started talking to me and wondering why I lost such big amount of weight, and to be completely honest, I loved the attention, even if the reason was actually a very bad one. At that point I stoped eating, cause I didn’t hang out with much people in school, or at any time in the week. Plus I was being bullied anyway, so why would I want to hang out at lunch or anytime with those stupid peeps anyway? Come to think of it, I just saw two of these girls back in the city when I went shopping. Oh yeah I like to shop on my own, cause then you don’t have those stupid girl problems, or your friend telling you, “OMG you gotta buy this” or “Try this, or this” And you just spend less money when you’re on your own. (Well not really. I really really like to buy things, even if its just kept, like a Die-Hard-Fan action figure collector, who would never open up the box) But these girls didn’t even recognize me, and to be honest I sure was glad. And looking upon them like a normal human being, walking around, I was wondering if they where still those horrible kinds, even after all these years. The way they dressed hasn’t changed, so I assume that their Character hasn’t changed either. Cause I changed the way I dress myself, like 5 times since those years. Cause I would never want to look as stupid as I did, at that time. So the attempt to get this medication back failed, bad enough, cause one moment to the other we where talking about my tiredness and my doctor wanted to let my blood be taken. and today her assistant who took my blood, called me and told me that I have a very low amount of Vitamin D, which I always thought people in Norway or somewhere where the sun is no where to be seen, have. So tomorrow I made an appointment and I really wish I could give myself a few more Face-palms, because I made it on 7:30 a.m. Shit and tomorwo I could have slept in, like the last 3 days. Well at least I can see the rest of the day, and not lose the entire day by sleeping i until 1:45 p.m like I did today. Oh first me I needed the sleep, cause I didn’t for more than 48 hours. Its my first week of being able to have the rest of my medications on my own, and its running really bad. I like, barely take any of these Meds, only maybe the one who puts me to sleep. But I forgot this one two, so I could just watch one more movie of Danielle Panabaker. (she plays Caitlin Snow on the series The Flash) Once I find a new Actress favii, I  stared searching everything about this person from where they grew up, to the first and last apperance of anything. Like a terrible stalker, except without the creepy part like , showing up at their window at night, even if I knew where they’d live, maybe just maybe I think I would freak out a bit. So thats basically it for today. Oh bad thing today, I forgot to flush the toilet, which never ever happened to me, and my Apartii (since its not a roomie, because we share an apartment not a room) got real pissed of at me. She told me this and how mad she is, for me to have taken her mini snicker bar. like real M I N I. Of course I don’t have the guts, and the emotional barrier  to talk back or stand up for myself. I always just hope that next time I get it right, stay out of her way and maybe just clean the entire apartment so I could make it up to her and we would be good. Don’t worry I’ll buy you back, more than just one stupid mini snicker.

The text at 2:51 a.m

Do you ever have these days, where you awake, and you woke up just perfectly on time, or even a few minutes early; But then you make your biggest mistake of the day, and turn around in your bed and silently think „Just 5 more minutes. Turns out these five minutes ended up being an entire hour for me today even after waking up on the floor. Yep My body is aching real bad. As I went to the buss station I noticed my Dad, yes this dad who left me and my familiy behind with such a huge amount of bills and depths, and the one dad that claims that I am the biggest problem of all, wrote me an sms. Oh and don’t even get me started on how stupied the sms was written. it said „Honey dont foregt to bring your slephy (I have no freaking clue what he means with slephy, I even asked a friend and she meant, that he wanted to write sleepy…. so is he saying my mom is L-a-z-y… that just mean, she works a 120% job, more than you lazy selfpity-rolling-stuburn-donkey (Donekys are way to cute for such an expression, I’m sorry to all the donkeys out there) have ever worked in your entire life… even though I have to admit I don’t know exactly) sweet colorful homemade Birddaycake (I should make a cake for Birds… birds) to mommy for the sweet 60th Birdday (he literally wrote Bird-day… now hes comparing my mom with a pigeon.) on Sunday….kiss kiss.“ then he send another saying „ Ahead happy sweet cake and wine hours there…” (and the shocked-looking emoij, which could mean that he is shocked that I isn’t invited??? I have no clue) I have never ever heard this expression or phrase for someone wishing someone else a happy birthday. It more sounded to me like, „go ahead eat cake, get fat & drunk. And the second most stupiest thing about this SMS is also, that, I recived it at 2:51 a.m in the morning. And as far as I can rember nothing good happens after 2:00 a.m in the morning, (Oh yeah, I totally and literally believe Ted Mosby from HIMYM, cause as far as I can rember, nothing really good did ever happen in my life, after 2:00)making me 35% sure that he was either drunk when he send it, and I wish he was, (but he doesn’t drinks as far as I can remember, Oh look something positive about him!) because it would indicate that he is back here in Switzerland, and we are finally allowed to arrest him, (Its been setteled by the Judge that if he’d ever took foot again here in Switzerland, he would imitatly be arrested and face so many charges, you’ll find out the more you guys read my Blog.) yet the other 65% of my sureness, is that he wrote it when it was 5: p.m at his place, casue he might and propaply is in the Phillippines or any country far enough to make a 7 hour time gap between here and there…. and I am having this short percent-of two-opinions-math-up conversation becasue, me and my Family have no singel freaking clue where he is, and where he might be, since like about 4 years now. Third and should-have-been first worst thing about this SMS is, that he did’nt even mention something father-like, for example „Hey Laura dear.. or just anything that would indicate that he is my dad, and he is texting me, because he wants to know how I am. He didn’t even say from who this so called BIRDday wishes where. luckly I saved this and all of his 6 other numbers on my phone and it showed me who it was. Fourth most stuipest thing about this sms is, that it was written in English. I grew up with a Swiss dad who, from all of us, in the entire family, didn’t want to learn the national or secondary language (which happens to be English) of the Phillippines, and was the one person who, the most (I admit, we all did now and then) got racist and completly nuts about every little thing that a Filipino did or said that he felt like, it was wrong. I personaly thought, he’d be the first person to say that we’d move back to Switzerland. At the time we, as a Family moved to the Phillippines, my brother and I where the ones fastes to learn the “Aisan- & American-English“ no offens and I’m not trying to be racist or anything! And me saying this propably makes me a racist, because I asked you not to think of me as a racist…. okey If I wrote you now, I love and accept all kinds of races, that would make the entire situation even more racist, and we’d lose the point of this Point…. that we, or better said, I lost already. Okey, quick brainstorm. I told you about the sms my dad send me this morning, and I told you that I grew up with a Guy who claims to be a pure Swiss dude (makes it racist, which he… not me… totally is) At home, when we where gathered as a family or just anywhere, we as a family always spoke our super wierd and loud sounding swiss dialect (if you know a second language which I do now, beside form Swiss dialect or German, you’d propably will dislike the Swiss version too, and I’m saying this as a Swiss girl!) anyway, the point is that he writes me in English. He’s my Dad, for Godsake, not someone I meet back there. I just feel like hes avoiding my postion as hes daughter, and his postion as a father. Of course some of you might say, I should’nt freak out about this, but how would you feel if your dad wrote or spoke in a different langauge all of a sudden? As if he wants to be someone you didn’t know or have barely meet. He always does that now with his English texts. Three weeks after my 21th birthday he wrote me „Hey my bunny, (I’m not some sexist thing.. I’m his daughter!) hope you hope into a better year. Happy b-day for your sweet 20th b-day“ Yes he forgat that the day of my birthday and how old I’m gonna be, plus he has bad writting skills, applause for the most „I-don’t-wanna-be-a-Dad-anymore“ Dad of the year. He always comes with his wanna-be-goofy texts that sadly won’t and propably never will make me or anybody laugh. And yeah, hes right about that, I don’t know him anymore and it hurts real bad. I know I have a big wierd past with him, and yes we both made huge mistakes but I just wished he would just for once, write me as a father in our langauge. So I can understand him. even if he texted me in English, I always replied to him in our langaguge, becasue I can’t ever recall to have spoken with him or my mom in English. I just wish that one day he will talk to me again, like a real Father. Okey maybe its a bit much to ask for, but at least talk to me like a grown up Man who knows what he has done. and beside, I’m not 12 anymore. Wow, that is some weird stuff going on. I’m like really excited now,with my next problem. Read ya soon